CHEESY BRI'S WEDDING - SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 11TH
North Shields & Killingworth, near Newcastle, England

I had the please of being best man at the wedding, and what a tremendous day! !

I was a bit nervous about doing ma speech, so had to have an Immodium (anti-poopoo) tablet in the morning and then headed over to Bri's parents in the morning.

Got changed into our highwayman outfits and Me, Bri & his son Reece went to the pub for a drink. 4 toilet stops, 1 drink and a bag of crisps later we walk around the corner to the registry office and up the stairs to the ceremony room.

Highwayman Bri, HIghwayman Smurf & our apprentice, Highwayboy Reece

Another quick dash to the toilet before the ceremony begins.

Check out the mad spoon bog handle

All the family & friends arrive looking super duper in there glad rags, music starts and the blushing bride & bridesmaid come in, awww. Nice short service. Me & the my assistant (ha), Chief Bridesmaid Julz had to sign the witness book before heading outside to the balcony for photo's.

The Bride (Louise) & Groom and there parents.

All the immediate family
 

The view of the River Tyne & South Shields

Off for the meal now, with a short stop of near the boating lake for a few more photo's. Everyone wa getting lockjaw from all the smiling & posing !

 

Mr & Mrs Charlton & the bridesmaids, Gill (Bri's sister) & Julia

 

A swan in the lake

Classy Gareth (Julia's fella) with his Morrisons bag & Darren, Louise's brother
 

Onto the pub for the meal. All the boys got a miniature bottle of Jack Daniels on there table and the girls got boxes with almonds in it. Lush meal & the cutting of the cake.

    

Papa Bri spilt soup on his tie and reversed it

I somehow managed to get gravy on the elbow of my shirt. Couldn't really turn that inside out.

Prince Reece

12 toilet stops and it was time for the speech. The Father of the bride was up first, nice amusing speech and then Bri done his speech, which was good aswell. My heart was pumping like a speedcore record and hands were shaking like a bra on a washing line in a tornado.

When I stood up I took the speech out of a Greggs (a pastry shop where you buy pasty's, pies & savoury things) pasty bag. Many many years ago we were all in a pub on a Saturday afternoon and there was a coach going down to Helter Skelter, a big rave in Milton Keynes. Bri was wanting to go so he said to Louise he was going out for a pasty and he got on the coach to Helter, ha ha. Before the speech Bri said I shouldn't mention it as it was my life, ha ha.

The speech went a little something like this............

I'll keep this short & simple, a bit like me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. First of all I'll get the most important things out the way I then read out today's football scores.

I’d just like to thank everyone for coming today and helping to make Brian and Louise's wedding such a memorable and happy day. Personally, I wish you'd all stayed at home and made my job less nerve wracking.
It’s the 5th time today I’ve got up from a warm seat with a bit paper in my hand.

No, but seriously, it’s been a highly enjoyable and emotional occasion. Look - even the wedding cake is in tiers!

Everyone’s looking great in there posh togs & glad rags. I didn't’t recognise half the people here today. Even Bri scrubbed up well. It’s a bit cheeky that he’s copied my outfit like.

Bri - I’ve known Bri for about 10 years now. The first time I can remember meeting him, was on a train coming back from Stirling on a Sunday morning. We’d all been up there for a party.
He was going on about someone cutting some gas pipes in the club and trying to gas everyone. I didn't’t think he realised it was the smoke machine. I was thinking, eh, whose this divvy. Then I noticed his pierced ears with these mad Rezerection ear rings with big Z’s in them. Have you still got them?

I don’t think he took them out his ears for about 5 years. Thinking about that now, it’s probably got him well prepared for marriage as he’ll used to buying jewellery and being in pain!

A couple of years later, Bri met Louise in June 1996. We all used to go to a pub called Corks on a Saturday afternoon. I was there with Bri and our mates and Louise was there with her mates and we all sort of knew each other and we all would meet up every Saturday afternoon and end up getting wasted on Archers & Lemonade during the happy hour.

One Saturday, Bri was at a friends flat in Newcastle when he decided he would walk up the West End where Louise lived and giver her a knock, but she wasn’t in. So he strolls back to our mates flat in centre of Town again, but they were out. So he decided to go back to Louise’s. Luckily she was in this time, but she had dyed her hair a different colour and he didn’t recognise her. And here they are 8 years later !

Incidentally, anagrams of your names are:
USABLE IRON, I USE BARN OIL, ANUS BOILER.
You can make your own conclusions out of that !

Do you ken the word Brian is an old Celtic word associated with the Irish word for Hill. Which is quire appropriate with that one that’s growing on his belly? Too many pasties. Suppose it comes in handy for when you play football coz you play in goal don’t you?. Buy the way. The lads from football tell me your crap in every position, so I hope Louise has more luck.

And the word Louise is originally German or French. Some sort of warrior, someone who is quite famous in battle – So Bri, beware. Think of that next time you say you’re going out for a pasty.

Seriously. I’m sure everyone will agree that Bri is of the nicest, kindest, honest chaps you’ll ever meet.

There’s a saying that goes “nice guys always come last”, but I think we can all agree that that’s been proved wrong today.

I know we don’t get to see each other much coz of our but its been an honour and a pleasure to be chosen to be his best man today. Cheers sailor

So now I come to my final wedding day duty, the toast. Which isn’t a duty really – it’s a pleasure: on behalf of everyone here. We sincerely wish you all the health, happiness, and everlasting love and best wishes for the future.

And then the toast !

It went better than expected and everyone laughed at ma jokes, ha ha. I was still shaking about 15 minutes after it !

Party time now ! And we all headed to the disco where lots more people arrived. Lots of friends I hadn't saw for a while so that was very nice I tell ya. Spent the night dancing with old grannies and having a food fight with little Reece.

Gareth & Dean The Maniac

Mongo Gareth

Mongo Dean

The party finished around 11:30 and a few of us went back to Julia's & Gareth's and drank Jack Daniels and has a bit play on the decks then passed out.

A very most excellent day !

Congratulations to Bri & Louise !

SMURFY