XMAS & NEW YEAR - 2003
26TH DECEMBER - INCISION, LEEDS, ENGLAND
27TH DECEMBER - MONSTERZ, MILAN, ITALY
30TH DECEMBER - AMSTERDAM
31ST DECEMBER - FREQUENCY, STIRLING, SCOTLAND
Golly gosh, what a mental week of happiness, sadness & madness !!
Out on Christmas Eve with a bunch of mates, can't really remember much. Fell asleep with a meat sandwich in 1 hand and a glass of Jack Daniels in the other.
Christmas Day, woke up pretty jolly, got some sad news regarding a close friend in the morning, which kinda ruined the day. Christmas Day was boring, no toys to play with or nowt. I was going to go down to ma mates and play with his sons toys but couldn't motivate meself so ended up staying in and getting pissed, chatting to mates on MSN. Phoned a couple up and left messages saying I had got there number out of the local paper and was phoning to see how much the hoover was they were selling and I was going to come round and shag a horse in there garden, hehe.
And so, Boxing day came, and day one of a week of mad travelling.
I was playing at Incision in Leeds, and as there were no trains, a mate was driving up from Hull to Newcastle to pick me up and take me down. Many thanks again Curtis & Kayleigh !! I think we left Newcastle around 7pm. Popped in to Kayleigh's in Durham on the way to get a dress or something (not for me !!). Sat in the sitting room while 3 mad dogs ran around me, frok me, I was shitting mesell. Hate doggies like. Scariest 15 minutes of me life, apart from the time when Jappo drove me through the Alps waist ed in a snow storm.
Eventually got on our way properly and arrived at the club around 9pm. Found the hardcore room which I thought was a toilet. Tiny little place that holds about 20 people !! It was OK like, bar in the corner, toilet and the dex up a couple of stairs, so it was like having a little party for all your mates in a bedroom with a built in bar.
Hello to the peeps, Andy Infared, Lee Outrage, Stu Terrorist & his chick, Dippa (ha ha), McWicker, Ricky AMOK, Baz, Hardcore Chef, Ariel, Naomi, Bex, Adam Alarm, Sarah PVC (soz if I forgot anyone)
Lee 'Chips' Outrage on the left there
Edam Alarm, Lee, Infared, Kayleigh, Curtis (dunno the coat guy)
One good thing about this room, it was next to the cloakroom, so yo could stand at the bar and watch all the patch putting there garments in, hehe.
Nice belt
The Hardcore Chief - Liverpool's #1 Gay Icon. McWicker & Baz to the right of him. Notice the little donkey sniffing the big guy's bot.
Went for a little wander to the other rooms. Really nice club. 2 rooms down some scary looking stairs.
First room had a bouncy castle in it, weee, boing boing boing. Later on I bounced of it and cut ma arm.
Dippa, The Chief & Infared go bouncing
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Bianca & Ariel Munster
Bex falls asleep standing up
Kayleigh
Check this DJ name
Infared, The Chief & Ricky Am OK
The Hardcore Chief swings his gay hips
There was a mixture of music in the room. When I got there it was happy hardcore. Cant remember when Infared's PA was on (after me maybe) ??
Nick AN:OK played before me, mid paced industrial set building up to French & Deathchant style, nice. I played at 1am. Started off at around 200 BPM with dancefloor French hardcore, and played a couple of classics - 'I Wanna Fuck A Spice Girl', Brohym and a hardcore version of jingle bells called Hardcore Bells by the D-Boy Bad Boys, hehe. Enjoyed the set, then proceded to get drunk.
At some point during the night, some of the boys were licking Lee's face. I put my finger up me bum then rubbed it in Lee's face and he ran to the toilet, hehe.
MOAN PATCH
Ricky knee licker
Gilly, the incredible pointing man
Santa (or is that Satan) Smurf
Ricky & The Chief tell Santa what they want for Xmas. Ricky wants 3 toffee apples and to see Frank Butcher again. The Chief wants a new nostril.
Amy, the cloakroom lady who kept running away from me (?)
Hmmm, coathangers
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The incredible angelic coathanger
Hmm, a festoon of coathangers
HAHA, Dippa, Captain K-man
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Can't remember who this is
woo, here come's that lovely lady from before
Hmm, girls holding coathangers, the next best thing to elbows & bellybuttons
Fantastic
Cheers to Curtis & Kayleigh for the lift again!
The party finished at 4am and everyone forked off and left me !! GITS ! So I had to find Leeds train station by meself. Bumped into a guy who I was talking to earlier who ran a night called Kemistry in the same club (Paradise Club). Forget your name, sorry mate !! He kindly kept me company at the station for a while until my train left at 06:10 for London Kings Cross. Hope you enjoy the CD's.
Slept all the way to London for the 2hr 40 minute journey. Grabbed a pasty & a fanta before walking next door to St Pancras to get the train to Luton Airport.
I went to the toilet on the train, pressed the button to open it and I Chinese girls was sitting on it, haha, She got up to close the door and I saw her gash. I started laughing and went back to ma seat, ha ha.
Arrived at Luton and got the bus to the airport terminal.
Flight was at 11:35, got ma money changed and stood in the que to check-in. My record bag was to heavy so I had to pay £9 for every pound it was overweight. Total came to £36 !! I had to dash over to another desk to pay. Off course, now I had no UK pounds and the daft bint didn't take Euro's, so I had to run round to the money changer to get some English cash, bahh. Stupid Ryan Air.
All sorted, then stood in another big que thru the metal detector, then another que to get on the flight, rrrr, was sick of queuing and just wanted to sit down !!
On the bat, another little sleep before arriving in Milan Bergamo at around 14:35 Italian time. Got ma luggage. Got a message from Emmy (DJ Twilight) saying he would be late because of traffic so I went and got breakfast (bottle of Budweiser), nice & cool & refreshing !!
Emmy arrived as I got the drink, with Sasha (forget the DJ name) from Switzerland and we went to the car to meet Emmy's girlfriend Milly, and we headed into Bergamo to the venue for MONSTERZ, to set up etc.
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The venue was like a big warehouse complex, with some nice graffiti outside.
The party was in one room call The Bunker, which was like a bunker. Down some stairs into this cold stone room, which also had some cool graffiti all around it, which could hold around 600 people.
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Milly & Emmy (DJ Twilight)
Met Renato, another cool Italian guy and Renata, Emmy & Sasha set up whilst I went to the toilet, which was outside.
Raaa !! I forgot about hose horrible hole in the ground things !!!
Looks like Hellfish has been here before
Back inside and the sound was almost sorted. We had a few beers form the tap, nice and cool !!
There was a massive rack of speakers brought in later and the sound was incredible !!
Some other guys arrived, Sylvester (unscatthed) and his girlfriend (forget the name !!) and it was her birthday
Milly, Birthday girl, Sylvester & Sasha
Sylvester came with some champagne & some crisps, nice !!
Upstairs from the venue was another room
A nice chair in a small room I found amusing
A few hours and pints & champagne had passed and I started to fell a little sleepy, so I fell asleep on a chair for an hour or so, nice power nap, and was awoke by someone holding a shot of some mad green liquor in front of me. Well, I could not refuse
It tasted like absinthe, a bit sharp, but walmed my cockels.
More guys arrived, DJ HCN & some others (forget names again !!). I went to get changed fresh kegs, socks, trousers & T-shirt and we had a quick game of table football, England v Italy (I got beat about 15-0, heh)
We all headed off now to a restaurant for pizza before the party started and at last, I found a proper toilet !!!
Ahh, heaven !!
So time for a poo.
Check out the incredible peddling sink.
DJ Koney (DJ Promo's long lost twin) arrived who had got lost on the way from Venice and we ordered wine & beer, nice.
A friend Lawnmower back in Scotland was on about some Buffalo Mozzarella. I thought she was joking so asked the guys if it was true. They said it was so I ordered a Buffalini pizza. When it arrived I asked where the buffalo meat was. Bahh, apparently this mozzarella is made from the milk of buffalo, no meat, hehe. Still, it tasted well nice and the pizza's in Italy are so much better then over here. Lovely I tell thee. I started feeling a little tipsy and said I didn't want anymore drink, but people kept giving me glasses of wine to down in one, bahh, nasty people !!
After the meal, Koney, who had suddenly turned into Popeye, ordered me a local drink, cant remember the name, It was a shot of vodka, ice cream & lemon, zing, was gorgeous !!
All the guys form the party
(Left to right clockwise - ??, Renato, Koney, Milly, HCN, ??, ??, ??, Sylvester, ??, ??, ??, Emmy)
All food and drink gone, we all leave for the party and I get into the car with Koney, who is pretty waisted and also driving. He stalls the car 3 times !! Another scary experience within 2 days. We eventually arrive at the party in 1 piece!
Around this time I receive a nice phone call from back home reversing the sadness on Xmas Day which sends me on such a good buzz, woo !
The party starts around 11pm and it is slow to fill up. Jappo the big ape arrives and we proceed to get very drunk on the free beer and do some silly dances. At some point I fall asleep on a bench at the back of the stage and wake up around 1:30am. Didn't have a clue where I was and thought I had missed my set (which was at 02:10am). Realised I hadn't and went upstairs to get 4 big jugs of water to try & sober up. Downed them and felt better and ready for my set. By this time the place was totally heaving (500 or so)!!
Smurf (Are you from Peru?)
Emmy & Smurfy
I took over from Jappo who was now playing some fast Industrial Strength classics, Delta 9 etc and I kicked of with that 'God Wont Fuckin Save her' track from Surgeon 16 #1 by UK Skull Fuck that samples 'God Save The Queen', hehe. For the next hour I played industrial speedcore, 220-280 BPM ish. Its great to play so hard at somewhere like this and have a full dancefloor going crazy to your music.
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03:10 came and it was time to pass over to Twilight who was playing live. He kicked of with an amazing track with a funny tune in it I think. Excellent big man ! !
The incredible drunken Smurf & Filo (Unscatthed)
I was supposed to be going to stay at Jappo's house now as he lived closer to the airport, but he could not be found (Ponto Figa!), so I went back to sleep at the back of the stage and was woken up at around 06:45 by Emmy saying the party was over !
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Said my goodbye's & best wishes to everyone and Emmy drove us to his house. Phoned some mates in Scotland and crashed out.
At around 11:30am I was woken by a voice saying "Hello hello" and this old man came into the room I was sleeping in. Didn't know who he was so I said "Emmy is downstairs". The man said "no no, airport", ahh, he must be a taxi driver I thought. Cool. Then he gets into Emmy's car and I get confused ! Emmy sends me a text message saying "don't make papa Emmy crazy" haha, then it sinks in that it his Dad driving.
Check in, more horrible long que's with ignorant people pushing in, whelks.
Flight left at 15:25 from Milan Linate to London Stanstead. Just before we land in Stanstead, the flight takes a sharp right hand turn and this old Italian wifey sitting next to me grabs hold of me arm and started shrieking in Italian ! Madness
Arrive in Stanstead around 16:30.
Grabbed ma bags and went for a quick drink & bag of crisps in Whitherspoons Downed 2 bottle's of orange Reef, very refreshing and felt a bit tipsy.
More que's to get on the bat and left at 18:30 for NEWCASTLE. WHEY AYE MAN !!! Arriving at 19:40 where Papa Smurf is there to pick me up and take me home. Ahh. nice.
Crashed out, nice sleep, un packed and packed again for the following days trip to Amsterdam !
I was supposed to be playing at Multigroove on NYE in Amsterdam so some of ma mates form Scotland got there flight tickets a while ago while they were cheap. The promoter's were humming & harring, not giving me a definite answer if I was playing, so I got my tickets when the girls did. When the opportunity came to play in Scotland at NYE and bring in the bells, I couldn't miss out on that so changed my Amsterdam flights so I could go over with the girls and then leave on 31st back to Scotland.
So, headed off to Edinburgh on the train in the afternoon. No one was in at the Boons, so left me record bag and Sean & Wee Jo's in Edinburgh centre, went out for a Xmas drink with Jo & Gareth before getting an early night as I had to be up at 5am in the morning. Sacre bleu ! !
5:15 am and Me, Lawnmower, Dani & Amy are off to Edinburgh airport.
Check in etc and go to the bar where I try to get them to all have a customery going away drink of diesel (snakebite & black current). I end up the only one drinking, while Dani has a vodka & coke, Amy has a gin & tonic and mower has a nice cup of tea, hehe.
Flight departs at 07:00 and we arrive in Amsterdam around 09:30, where we get the train into the city centre.
Lawnmower & Amy
Dani (check out her reflection !)
Lawnmower puts a leash on Amy so she doesn't go missing !!
We go to check in to our hotel, which is called Schagen. Check in is at a wee pub called The old Nikel which is run by a Scottish lady. When we get there I ask "What time is check in for Shagging" to which the lady and the bar laughs ! he he. Turns out our rooms are around the corner in a place called The Old Quarter. We trot round there and check in to our room. Basic room, 3 single beds, 1 double & a toilet with a shower.
We decided to have an hour or so power nap before hitting the shops !
The girls are still going to the Multigroove party and are all wearing TuTu's. As its my New Years resolution to stop dressing up in woman's clothes, I had to have one last try and had a shot of one of there TuTu's.
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We head off and I show the chicks around Amsterdam and a few shops. I buy some colourfull toe socks for friends back home and a bright hat, whilst the girls browse shoe shops and places, zzzzzz, heh !!
head off to a cafe drinks, food etc before we meet up with Kit Williams (the promotor of MultiGroove) back at The Old Quarter where we have some food
Kit Williams (right) and his mate)
Willy has to head off to do some work and we all have another power nap, before hitting the town again and meeting up with Armaged:DON (GGM), his girlfriend Anna, and our mate Dave, also from Newcastle who lives in Dan Hague.
Lawnmower and her new buddy
Have a good laugh in various drinking establishments before Don & co have to leave and Me & the girls go back to the hotel around 1:30am.
Chief Smurf
The girls get ready for bed for the night and Me & mower decide to have a 30 minute power nap and go back out again.
I lie in bed and take photo's of the girls in there PJ's, hehe
GGM Lawnmower
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Pyjama Donkey
PJ & Dani
We wake up about 11am !!
I have to leave soon for my flight back to Edinburgh, so get my stuff together and go downstairs to meet Jappo & Lenny Dee (who are playing at the party) for breakfast/lunch. Jappo is trying always to convince me to stay. Lenny tries also but he knows what its like to play at 12 midnight on NYE and understands how important it is to me not to miss it !! The girls arrive and try to make me stay. Bahhh, but, I have to go !!
Jappo, Dani, Amy Donkey, Mower & Lenny Dee
Emotional farewell follows and I head to the train station. Confusion sets in and it takes a while to work out which train is whish. Terrible station that like.
On the train back to the airport, this guy gets on and says to me "You know what I'm about to ask you", I dip in ma pocket and give him a bunch of change and he gives me a postcard of a cow having a piss.
Just outside of Amsterdam there is a train depot especially for Scottish charvaz....
15:00 flight back to Edinburgh so I've got some time to pick up some duty free. A nice box of cocktails and some 'Orange bitter'. Arrive 15:25 in Edinburgh and I jumps in a taxi to Sean & Jo's. Quick hello's, shower & shave, cocktail and swig of the orange bitter which is actually tastes like Irn Bru & vodka.
Tonight, its Frequency in Stirling, Scotland, and the coach for the party is leaving rom the other side of Edinburgh, so Me, Sean, Jo, Stef & Debbie get a taxi to Lorraine's house, where they are already having a party.
Pedro, Debbie, Gareth, Hardcore Uncle Sean & Gareth's wee sister Rachel at the front.
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I ask Rachel if she got any dolly's for Xmas and if I can play dressy up with them, hehe.
Rachel & Wee Sister Jo
Gareth's wee brother William (who said I was small) & Smurf
Kenny Boy, Stef & Sean
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Few drinks and we get a bus to the coach were UEP, Stereo Mike & Staples all from Newcastle are there, nice.
Not many people have turned up for the coach and it was looking at around £38 each ! No one could afford that so Santa Smurf chips in a £100 and gets it down to £25 or something.
Playboy Bunnies
Anyway's, happy days and we head of to Stirling, about an hour away and arrive at the venue, The Sword Hotel, in the snow.
Nice venue, You go into like a hotel reception and there were 2 rooms either side, one was the house room, the other the hardcore room. Both like large rooms you would have a wedding disco type thing in. nice. Upstairs is the oldksool room, all rooms similar size.
The hardcore room had no needles for the dex, so there was a mad panic, which got sorted pretty quickly. The decks were those fancy Vestax things which I'd never used, so was a wee bit nervous at playing.
Walked around, met the Blackpool Crew, Adam etc, Crossbones peeps, John & Kieren, Scottish mob, Sass, Veggie, Spaztech & 100's of others.
I had a wander up to the oldskool room where Dale Johnson was playing a banging techno set, hehe, XXX was MC'ing and I had a little shot, just making seal noises.
Hardcore Ray & ??
Kenny
Nice too see the Newcastle mob making a good effort to make it up in the snow, Wayne, Marc & crew
Marc
Hardcore Ray feeling it !!
Wee Jo's (ma adopted sister) Button
Roabs is feeling it !!
Spent a bit in the oldskool room dancing to Ultrasonic and the usual Scottish cheese you here at Scottish Oldskool nights.
11:30 came and it was time to play. I played a 30 minute set of gabba classics, 'Jack The Penis', 'Name Of DJ', 'Acid Rain' etc. I had planned on doing a wee speech but there microphone wouldn't work, so I stopped the music and shouted out "I've played all over the world in the past couple of years and there is one place that has the best crowd in the world, and that's Scotland, and this next track is dedicating to all the Scottish mob" and dropped 'Loving You' by Rotterdam Remix Project. 11:55 and I stopped that and played the new heavy metal remix of Rob Gee's 'Ecstasy - You Got What I Need' and everyone had a good sing along before the countdown to the bells. "10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 HAPPY FUCKIN NEW YEAR ", I played a bagpipe version of Auld Lang Syne and dropped CUNTFACE by Nasenbluten ! haha, Whole place went fuckin crazy !!! RESPECT to you all !! What a buzz I got. Then played 1 30 minute speedcore classic set, NYX Speedcore, 20 Seconds to Comply, Shaftman etc before Al Spaztech took over with his live PA.
Now, the rest of the night and day is a complete blank. Next thing I clearly remember it was 1pm on the 2nd, ha ha.
The coach apparently dropped us of at Boony's where mucho alcohol was consumed.
Gareth joins the bruise boys
Poor Staples passed out and had his hair shaved off and didn't notice till he got back to his mates flat in Musslebrough the next day.
Someone put chocolate down his trousers and he thought he had shit himself
Boon and Cats wabs
All the breast for 2004 Smurf
Lasterplaster Smurf ???
The Ultimate Bruise
Back to normality now.
Well, that was one of the craziest weeks of ma life all thanks to the following people...
Curtis & Kayliegh, Sarah PVC, Emmy & Milly, Renato, Koney, Jappo, Papa Emmy, Papa Smurf, Sean & Wee Jo, Lawnmower, Dani & Amy, Don, Lenny Dee, Boony, Emma & Big Stef, Sass, Technotrance, Robbie Murdoch.
And to everyone else I came in contact with over that week, many thanks and all the very very breast for 2004.
SMURF
EXTRA PHOTO'S FROM WAYNE MORTIS
